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The Lizard has a certain amount of sympathy for India’s
cricketers, sitting in their hotel rooms, after Indian
cricket’s governing body withdrew the team from their
test series against Australia after spinner Harbhajan
Singh was suspended for three matches after he
allegedly called Andrew Symonds a ‘monkey’.
While any allegation of racial abuse is a serious matter,
if there is an outfit on earth who have no right kicking
up a stink about sledging, it’s the Australian cricket
team, who brought you such gems as
‘So, how’s your wife and my kids?’
‘You don’t get a runner for being an overweight, unfit,
fat c*nt,’ and
'Why don't you go and get f*cked?'
That those same hard-bitten Australian professionals
should now turn out to be such cry-babies… for shame!
It is as well that they have a 2-0 lead in this series, so
we can discount any suspicion that the racism allegation
merely represents an extension of Australia’s ‘victory at
any cost’ strategy…
Still, it should be stressed that there is (what our legal
team has advised us to refer to as) ‘not much proof’ that
Singh called Symonds anything at all. Indeed, a
substantial part of the Indian complaint relates to the
fact that the umpire’s ruling against Singh rests almost
exclusively on the word of three Australian players, and
ignores (unsurprisingly) countervailing reports from
Singh himself and from Sachin Tendulkar. This is
unfortunate, especially given that some of the more-
questionable umpiring decisions in the second test
seemed to follow the same system.
Of course, despite having basically invented sledging,
this was hardly the first occasion on which it seemed the
Aussies couldn’t take what they dished out. When, in
the 2000-2001 series, Sourav Ganguly broke free of the
presumed subcontinental default-code of decency and
retaliated against Australian sledging, the Aussie media
promptly labelled him ‘the bad boy of international
cricket’.
Similarly, the never-very-witty Steve ‘Why don’t you go
and get f*cked?’ Waugh was more than usually
flummoxed when, during his farewell match, he was
heckled by an Indian wicket-keeper who was – at 19 –
literally half his age. In response to Parthiv Patel’s
umpteenth chirp of 'Come on, just one more of the
famous slog-sweeps before you finish', the best Waugh
could manage was 'Look, show a bit of respect. You
were in nappies when I debuted 18 years ago.' Well,
touché indeed.
cricketers, sitting in their hotel rooms, after Indian
cricket’s governing body withdrew the team from their
test series against Australia after spinner Harbhajan
Singh was suspended for three matches after he
allegedly called Andrew Symonds a ‘monkey’.
While any allegation of racial abuse is a serious matter,
if there is an outfit on earth who have no right kicking
up a stink about sledging, it’s the Australian cricket
team, who brought you such gems as
‘So, how’s your wife and my kids?’
‘You don’t get a runner for being an overweight, unfit,
fat c*nt,’ and
'Why don't you go and get f*cked?'
That those same hard-bitten Australian professionals
should now turn out to be such cry-babies… for shame!
It is as well that they have a 2-0 lead in this series, so
we can discount any suspicion that the racism allegation
merely represents an extension of Australia’s ‘victory at
any cost’ strategy…
Still, it should be stressed that there is (what our legal
team has advised us to refer to as) ‘not much proof’ that
Singh called Symonds anything at all. Indeed, a
substantial part of the Indian complaint relates to the
fact that the umpire’s ruling against Singh rests almost
exclusively on the word of three Australian players, and
ignores (unsurprisingly) countervailing reports from
Singh himself and from Sachin Tendulkar. This is
unfortunate, especially given that some of the more-
questionable umpiring decisions in the second test
seemed to follow the same system.
Of course, despite having basically invented sledging,
this was hardly the first occasion on which it seemed the
Aussies couldn’t take what they dished out. When, in
the 2000-2001 series, Sourav Ganguly broke free of the
presumed subcontinental default-code of decency and
retaliated against Australian sledging, the Aussie media
promptly labelled him ‘the bad boy of international
cricket’.
Similarly, the never-very-witty Steve ‘Why don’t you go
and get f*cked?’ Waugh was more than usually
flummoxed when, during his farewell match, he was
heckled by an Indian wicket-keeper who was – at 19 –
literally half his age. In response to Parthiv Patel’s
umpteenth chirp of 'Come on, just one more of the
famous slog-sweeps before you finish', the best Waugh
could manage was 'Look, show a bit of respect. You
were in nappies when I debuted 18 years ago.' Well,
touché indeed.
But nothing comes close to Glenn McGrath’s attempt to
rile West Indian Ramnaresh Sarwan. Thus:
McGrath: ‘So what does Brian Lara’s dick taste like?’
Sarwan: ‘I don’t know. Ask your wife.’
McGrath: ‘If you ever f*cking mention my wife again, I’ll
f*cking rip your f*cking throat out.’
This would be the same Glenn McGrath who was
himself accused of calling Sri Lanka’s Sanath
Jayasuriya a ‘black monkey’ during a match in 1996.
For what it’s worth.
It’s curious, though, to see how instinctively many of
our former-colonial brethren feel that racism only cuts
from white to black (or brown)… The Indians don’t
have a clean record on this: it was their supporters
who started the whole ‘monkey’ business at Symonds
expense, during the ODI series last October.
Presumably it is thought that Symonds, though black
enough to be targeted for racial abuse, is white
enough (by dint of having been born in England and
selected to play for Australia) not to be ‘allowed’ to
complain about it.
Nor are India beyond rebuke in the tantrum-throwing
stakes. In 1981 Sunil Gavaskar took his team off the
field when Denis Lillee heckled him after a
controversial dismissal. In doing so he forfeited the
match. This time round, India look set to forfeit the
entire series (and possibly a lot of money if they have
to reimburse Cricket Australia for lost takings).
Not prepared to be out-racismed by a bunch of
whiteys, India have issued a matching racism
complaint against Brad Hogg, for remarks allegedly
made to Anil Kumble during the second test.
Meanwhile, in Indian cities, umpires Mark Benson
(former imperialist aggressor) and Steve Bucknor
(black) have been burned in effigy, and Bucknor’s
resignation demanded.
Cricket Australia have supported Australia’s ‘hard but
fair’ tactics, but have expressed the hope that
captains Ponting and Kumble can meet ‘to discuss
their sides' differences of opinion.’ Heh. Good luck with
that, fellahs.
---
* u
rile West Indian Ramnaresh Sarwan. Thus:
McGrath: ‘So what does Brian Lara’s dick taste like?’
Sarwan: ‘I don’t know. Ask your wife.’
McGrath: ‘If you ever f*cking mention my wife again, I’ll
f*cking rip your f*cking throat out.’
This would be the same Glenn McGrath who was
himself accused of calling Sri Lanka’s Sanath
Jayasuriya a ‘black monkey’ during a match in 1996.
For what it’s worth.
It’s curious, though, to see how instinctively many of
our former-colonial brethren feel that racism only cuts
from white to black (or brown)… The Indians don’t
have a clean record on this: it was their supporters
who started the whole ‘monkey’ business at Symonds
expense, during the ODI series last October.
Presumably it is thought that Symonds, though black
enough to be targeted for racial abuse, is white
enough (by dint of having been born in England and
selected to play for Australia) not to be ‘allowed’ to
complain about it.
Nor are India beyond rebuke in the tantrum-throwing
stakes. In 1981 Sunil Gavaskar took his team off the
field when Denis Lillee heckled him after a
controversial dismissal. In doing so he forfeited the
match. This time round, India look set to forfeit the
entire series (and possibly a lot of money if they have
to reimburse Cricket Australia for lost takings).
Not prepared to be out-racismed by a bunch of
whiteys, India have issued a matching racism
complaint against Brad Hogg, for remarks allegedly
made to Anil Kumble during the second test.
Meanwhile, in Indian cities, umpires Mark Benson
(former imperialist aggressor) and Steve Bucknor
(black) have been burned in effigy, and Bucknor’s
resignation demanded.
Cricket Australia have supported Australia’s ‘hard but
fair’ tactics, but have expressed the hope that
captains Ponting and Kumble can meet ‘to discuss
their sides' differences of opinion.’ Heh. Good luck with
that, fellahs.
---
* u
| © lizardmagazine.com, 2008 |
A S H Smyth
| The rudiments of sledging Tuesday, January 8, 2008 |