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| _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________ |
Dangerous Party for Adults:
time to do the math
Friday, December 7, 2007
Some say the DPfA can’t be taken seriously. Some
even whisper that we aren’t a credible political
organisation. Well let’s see.
Michael Portillo (whose authoritarian vapourings in the Sunday Times
helped inspire the great national movement that is the DPfA) lost his
parliamentary seat to Stephen Twigg in 1997.
Let us take the Twigg-Portillo humiliation as a test case.
Therefore it inevitably follows: that if the DPfA can secure a solid
base of support of 20,570 or greater we deserve to be considered a
credible political force in the country and have the right to apply for
a Commons peg and an appointment to kiss the ring of Gordon
Brown.
Let’s see.
Well, the inner party on Facebook consists of 73 stout men and
women – more than enough to stock a healthy (liquor) cabinet. Let’s
see how far that gets us.
time to do the math
Friday, December 7, 2007
Some say the DPfA can’t be taken seriously. Some
even whisper that we aren’t a credible political
organisation. Well let’s see.
Michael Portillo (whose authoritarian vapourings in the Sunday Times
helped inspire the great national movement that is the DPfA) lost his
parliamentary seat to Stephen Twigg in 1997.
Let us take the Twigg-Portillo humiliation as a test case.
- Portillo received 19,137 votes and went down in flames.
- Twigg received 20,570 votes and immediately set off on a
victory lap of the constituency.
Therefore it inevitably follows: that if the DPfA can secure a solid
base of support of 20,570 or greater we deserve to be considered a
credible political force in the country and have the right to apply for
a Commons peg and an appointment to kiss the ring of Gordon
Brown.
Let’s see.
Well, the inner party on Facebook consists of 73 stout men and
women – more than enough to stock a healthy (liquor) cabinet. Let’s
see how far that gets us.
| Marc Sidwell is not joking |
© lizardmagazine.com, 2007
ALSO SEE
ALSO SEE
| 20,570 – 73 = 20,497 |
It’s not a good start.
But how quickly figures can change. For the backbone of the DPfA is
our unwitting membership, those so committed to the DPfA ethos
that they are too devil-may-care to sign up to our ranks, but are
still clearly on the side of our flame juggling angels.
Now if we throw our unwitting members from the Jeremy Clarkson
for Prime Minister Group into the mix, we are already well on our
way to a landslide.
But how quickly figures can change. For the backbone of the DPfA is
our unwitting membership, those so committed to the DPfA ethos
that they are too devil-may-care to sign up to our ranks, but are
still clearly on the side of our flame juggling angels.
Now if we throw our unwitting members from the Jeremy Clarkson
for Prime Minister Group into the mix, we are already well on our
way to a landslide.
| 20,497 – 178,510 = -158,013 |
We already have more than double the total number of inhabitants
in Mr Portillo’s ex-constituency willing to vote for our cause.
But perhaps Facebook is an unconventional metric. Let’s turn
instead to the Number Ten Downing Street e-petitions page, where
those signed up to ‘Make Jeremy Clarkson Prime Minister’ have
reached 25,579.
in Mr Portillo’s ex-constituency willing to vote for our cause.
But perhaps Facebook is an unconventional metric. Let’s turn
instead to the Number Ten Downing Street e-petitions page, where
those signed up to ‘Make Jeremy Clarkson Prime Minister’ have
reached 25,579.
| 25,579 – 20,479 = 5,100 |
It is a little tighter this time, but who can doubt that once more Mr
Portillo is going home in a bag while we get to kiss all our pretty
interns?
Finally, let’s consider the constituency of just one of our unwitting
front bench. India Knight has set out our family policy.
Portillo is going home in a bag while we get to kiss all our pretty
interns?
Finally, let’s consider the constituency of just one of our unwitting
front bench. India Knight has set out our family policy.
“What really gets on my nerves is the desperate need to get
everything right all the time – usually at the expense of any
kind of fun or any real sense of being alive.”
everything right all the time – usually at the expense of any
kind of fun or any real sense of being alive.”
India Knight’s column appears in the Sunday Times. The Sunday
Times has a circulation of 1.3 million. Let’s try to express this
following as a ratio.
Times has a circulation of 1.3 million. Let’s try to express this
following as a ratio.
| (73 + 1,300,000) : 20,500 = 63:1 [approx.] |
Yes, on the basis of the popular support for just one of our
unwitting shadow ministers, the Dangerous Party for Adults can
achieve sixty-three times the support necessary to beat Michael
Portillo. Let no one ever say again that we are not a credible force in
British politics.
DPfA: number in safety.
unwitting shadow ministers, the Dangerous Party for Adults can
achieve sixty-three times the support necessary to beat Michael
Portillo. Let no one ever say again that we are not a credible force in
British politics.
DPfA: number in safety.