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by A S H Smyth
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
It is one of the principle joys of learning that whenever
you attempt to learn about something, you invariably
end up learning a lot of other things along the way. (Recall how, as a
child, you learned not to break wind too vigorously, or that the end of
the car-lighter was red for a reason.)
Enthralled by the recent news reports regarding Rio’s Carnival season, I
decided to try and find out some more about Brazilians.
I asked around my home-town; but my home-town is in the middle of
Kent, and knowledge of such exotica is somewhat at a premium round
here. I did ask at the local library; but none of their three books (not
incl. the children’s section) contained any useful material on the matter.
I even tried the internet, but I didn’t really get the time to conduct any
in-depth research, as mother was busy with the computer, looking up
innovative recipes for cabbage soup. Besides, I find ‘Brazilian’ impossibly
tricky to spell: I kept getting hits for ‘Brazzaville’, ‘bestialism’, ‘Bernard
Manning’ and ‘Keeley Hazell’.
In desperation, I called my brother – an historian, as it happens, at the
School of Oriental and African Studies (and an expert on Keeley Hazell) –
and asked him if he could assist me with my enquiries.
He answered with such joyous alacrity that I should’ve known something
was up, but it’s very difficult to register a gleam in someone’s eye while
talking to them on the phone. Also, historians can be pretty nerdy folks,
and I guess I just blithely assumed he was very excited about the
possibilities for boring me to death over a pile of ‘now this is interesting’
documents.
Anyway: says he, ‘Brazilians? Yep, I think I have just the thing!’
I’m not sure what I was expecting. Perhaps a weighty leather-bound
volume, with An Compleat Historie of the Americas in gold down the
spine. Or a coffee-table book of pictures by Korba. Even an old (can I
say yellowing?) edition of National Geographic, featuring startlingly
unattractive 4’ South American women.
What I definitely was not expecting was a copy of An Arab-Syrian
Gentleman and Warrior in the Period of the Crusades: Memoirs of
Usamah Ibn Munqidh by Usamah Ibn Munqidh and P.K. Hitti, from the
SOAS library.
Silent, but grinning, my brother turns to page 165. ‘There,’ he says,
‘read that.’
The chapter in question was called ‘The Frankish Character’, and my
eyes fell on a section purporting to demonstrate that the Franks (and
possibly also the Be’ens) ‘lack jealousy in sexual affairs’. Well, it may
demonstrate all that; but – and you’ll pardon my presumption – I think it
reveals something altogether different.
What follows is nothing less than a milestone in our understanding of
civilisation and human nature.
‘We had with us a bath-keeper named Sālim (writes the historian),
originally an inhabitant of al-Ma‘arrah, who had charge of the bath of my
father (may Allah’s mercy rest upon his soul!). This man related the
following story:
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
It is one of the principle joys of learning that whenever
you attempt to learn about something, you invariably
end up learning a lot of other things along the way. (Recall how, as a
child, you learned not to break wind too vigorously, or that the end of
the car-lighter was red for a reason.)
Enthralled by the recent news reports regarding Rio’s Carnival season, I
decided to try and find out some more about Brazilians.
I asked around my home-town; but my home-town is in the middle of
Kent, and knowledge of such exotica is somewhat at a premium round
here. I did ask at the local library; but none of their three books (not
incl. the children’s section) contained any useful material on the matter.
I even tried the internet, but I didn’t really get the time to conduct any
in-depth research, as mother was busy with the computer, looking up
innovative recipes for cabbage soup. Besides, I find ‘Brazilian’ impossibly
tricky to spell: I kept getting hits for ‘Brazzaville’, ‘bestialism’, ‘Bernard
Manning’ and ‘Keeley Hazell’.
In desperation, I called my brother – an historian, as it happens, at the
School of Oriental and African Studies (and an expert on Keeley Hazell) –
and asked him if he could assist me with my enquiries.
He answered with such joyous alacrity that I should’ve known something
was up, but it’s very difficult to register a gleam in someone’s eye while
talking to them on the phone. Also, historians can be pretty nerdy folks,
and I guess I just blithely assumed he was very excited about the
possibilities for boring me to death over a pile of ‘now this is interesting’
documents.
Anyway: says he, ‘Brazilians? Yep, I think I have just the thing!’
I’m not sure what I was expecting. Perhaps a weighty leather-bound
volume, with An Compleat Historie of the Americas in gold down the
spine. Or a coffee-table book of pictures by Korba. Even an old (can I
say yellowing?) edition of National Geographic, featuring startlingly
unattractive 4’ South American women.
What I definitely was not expecting was a copy of An Arab-Syrian
Gentleman and Warrior in the Period of the Crusades: Memoirs of
Usamah Ibn Munqidh by Usamah Ibn Munqidh and P.K. Hitti, from the
SOAS library.
Silent, but grinning, my brother turns to page 165. ‘There,’ he says,
‘read that.’
The chapter in question was called ‘The Frankish Character’, and my
eyes fell on a section purporting to demonstrate that the Franks (and
possibly also the Be’ens) ‘lack jealousy in sexual affairs’. Well, it may
demonstrate all that; but – and you’ll pardon my presumption – I think it
reveals something altogether different.
What follows is nothing less than a milestone in our understanding of
civilisation and human nature.
‘We had with us a bath-keeper named Sālim (writes the historian),
originally an inhabitant of al-Ma‘arrah, who had charge of the bath of my
father (may Allah’s mercy rest upon his soul!). This man related the
following story:
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The Burkhini Line
Adventures in Brazilian Studies
Adventures in Brazilian Studies
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© lizardmagazine.com, 2008
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Also see:
I once opened a bath in al-Ma‘arrah in order to earn my living. To
this bath there came a Frankish knight. The Franks disapprove of
girding a cover around one’s waist while in the bath. So this Frank
stretched out his arm and pulled off my cover from my waist and
threw it away. He looked and saw that I had recently shaved off
my pubes.* So he shouted, “Sālim!” As I drew near him he
stretched his hand over my pubes and said, “Sālim, good! By the
truth of my religion, do the same for me.” Saying this, he lay on his
back and I found that in that place the hair was like his beard. So I
shaved it off. Then he passed his hand over the place and, finding
it smooth, he said, “Sālim, by the truth of my religion, do the same
to al-dāma”,** referring to his wife. He then said to a servant of
his, “Tell madame to come here.” Accordingly, the servant went
and brought her and made her enter the bath. She also lay on her
back. The knight repeated, “Do what thou hast done to me.” So I
shaved all that hair while her husband was sitting looking at me. At
last he thanked me and handed me the pay for my service.’
this bath there came a Frankish knight. The Franks disapprove of
girding a cover around one’s waist while in the bath. So this Frank
stretched out his arm and pulled off my cover from my waist and
threw it away. He looked and saw that I had recently shaved off
my pubes.* So he shouted, “Sālim!” As I drew near him he
stretched his hand over my pubes and said, “Sālim, good! By the
truth of my religion, do the same for me.” Saying this, he lay on his
back and I found that in that place the hair was like his beard. So I
shaved it off. Then he passed his hand over the place and, finding
it smooth, he said, “Sālim, by the truth of my religion, do the same
to al-dāma”,** referring to his wife. He then said to a servant of
his, “Tell madame to come here.” Accordingly, the servant went
and brought her and made her enter the bath. She also lay on her
back. The knight repeated, “Do what thou hast done to me.” So I
shaved all that hair while her husband was sitting looking at me. At
last he thanked me and handed me the pay for my service.’
So, as you see, I have unearthed – with no small assistance from my
brother – the first recorded incidence of someone being given a
Brazilian! Moreover, that first someone was a man.
Other points of note.
Well, well… They do say you learn a new thing every day. What the
hell am I’m gonna learn tomorrow?
--
* pronounced pubes by Middle-Aged Frankish knights.
** al-dāma in their language means ‘the lady’.
brother – the first recorded incidence of someone being given a
Brazilian! Moreover, that first someone was a man.
Other points of note.
- The giving and receiving of Brazilians dates back nearly a
thousand years. - The procedure evidently has religious backing.
- And it seems to have been invented – surprise, surprise – by a
Frenchman.
Well, well… They do say you learn a new thing every day. What the
hell am I’m gonna learn tomorrow?
--
* pronounced pubes by Middle-Aged Frankish knights.
** al-dāma in their language means ‘the lady’.