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Sun, Sand and Sweat
Preparing for the Big Day Out
by Rob Steers
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
The Big Day Out (or BDO to those with Acronym
Dependancy Disorder) is Australasia's answer to Glastonbury.
As we are a million miles from anywhere, it is a rare treat to have any
big-name act grace the shores of Australia or New Zealand; to have
several international stars actually tour both countries is positively
orgasmic. Highlights this year were the has-beens Rage Against the
Machine and the never-was Bjork.
Don't think, though, that this is some amazing musical nirvana framed by
the gently lapping shores of the Pacific. A typical BDO consists of dust,
dirt, searing heat, overpriced water and underage girls. For some
unknown reason, tickets still sell out within hours.
This year, I was lucky enough to attend. And, since preparation for the
event takes years of experience and weeks of planning, I thought I
would offer a run-down of my pre-match routine (in case anyone is
interested in attending in 2009).
As the event is held during the summer months, the heat is always
inescapable. The mercury rises so high that it is likely you will stick to
the tarmac if you are wearing plastic shoes. The gates open at 10am
and the last act finishes at 11:00pm: the 13 hours of fluid loss means,
to stay hydrated and survive the trip, one has to bring the population of
a small african village to act as water bearers.
Then there is the food, which all tastes the same regardless of the
menu. Even the ice creams taste like kebab. The heat and dust spoil any
pre-prepared food, so punters are forced to choose between doing
enough narcotics to kill the appetite or eating something that is used as
housing insulation in the winter months. This year I chose to eat nothing
but Mars bars and ice cream: what the sugar high did not do for me, I
figured, the brain-freeze would top up.
Nearly one hundred thousand people attend the BDO which means that if
you don't run someone over on the way in, you certainly will when
you're on the way out. The upside of that is that there will be one less
“Emo” to attend next year. The downside is that it will take nearly an
hour just to find somewhere to park and four when you want to leave.
This means that the transport situation requires the tactical planning of
an SAS squad during Operation “Hands Off Our Oil”. As driving in is the
only real choice transport, there is the usual tactic of 'The person with
the least number of friends, drives'. Most years the task falls to me and
I have to remain sober throughout the ordeal. There is only one thing
worse than being hot, covered in dust, fly-blown, sunburnt, heat-
exhausted and delirious, and that is being sober during a Bjork concert.
The final thing to be considered before leaving is a personal loan. The
chances are that your African tribe will get lost in the crowd and the
come-down from the sugar high will leave you with a taste for
sandpaper-flavoured grease balls. You will have to buy water and food
at some point and that will leave you with the debt level of Burundi. This
year I opted for carrying a credit card, which has gone down in history
as the worst mistake ever. When the time came for me to spend some
money, I found the queue for the cash machine curved out of the
ground.
Suffice to say, I ended this year's BDO the same as every other year;
early.
© lizardmagazine.com, 2008
Also see:
BACK TO THE HOMEPAGE
Preparing for the Big Day Out
by Rob Steers
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
The Big Day Out (or BDO to those with Acronym
Dependancy Disorder) is Australasia's answer to Glastonbury.
As we are a million miles from anywhere, it is a rare treat to have any
big-name act grace the shores of Australia or New Zealand; to have
several international stars actually tour both countries is positively
orgasmic. Highlights this year were the has-beens Rage Against the
Machine and the never-was Bjork.
Don't think, though, that this is some amazing musical nirvana framed by
the gently lapping shores of the Pacific. A typical BDO consists of dust,
dirt, searing heat, overpriced water and underage girls. For some
unknown reason, tickets still sell out within hours.
This year, I was lucky enough to attend. And, since preparation for the
event takes years of experience and weeks of planning, I thought I
would offer a run-down of my pre-match routine (in case anyone is
interested in attending in 2009).
As the event is held during the summer months, the heat is always
inescapable. The mercury rises so high that it is likely you will stick to
the tarmac if you are wearing plastic shoes. The gates open at 10am
and the last act finishes at 11:00pm: the 13 hours of fluid loss means,
to stay hydrated and survive the trip, one has to bring the population of
a small african village to act as water bearers.
Then there is the food, which all tastes the same regardless of the
menu. Even the ice creams taste like kebab. The heat and dust spoil any
pre-prepared food, so punters are forced to choose between doing
enough narcotics to kill the appetite or eating something that is used as
housing insulation in the winter months. This year I chose to eat nothing
but Mars bars and ice cream: what the sugar high did not do for me, I
figured, the brain-freeze would top up.
Nearly one hundred thousand people attend the BDO which means that if
you don't run someone over on the way in, you certainly will when
you're on the way out. The upside of that is that there will be one less
“Emo” to attend next year. The downside is that it will take nearly an
hour just to find somewhere to park and four when you want to leave.
This means that the transport situation requires the tactical planning of
an SAS squad during Operation “Hands Off Our Oil”. As driving in is the
only real choice transport, there is the usual tactic of 'The person with
the least number of friends, drives'. Most years the task falls to me and
I have to remain sober throughout the ordeal. There is only one thing
worse than being hot, covered in dust, fly-blown, sunburnt, heat-
exhausted and delirious, and that is being sober during a Bjork concert.
The final thing to be considered before leaving is a personal loan. The
chances are that your African tribe will get lost in the crowd and the
come-down from the sugar high will leave you with a taste for
sandpaper-flavoured grease balls. You will have to buy water and food
at some point and that will leave you with the debt level of Burundi. This
year I opted for carrying a credit card, which has gone down in history
as the worst mistake ever. When the time came for me to spend some
money, I found the queue for the cash machine curved out of the
ground.
Suffice to say, I ended this year's BDO the same as every other year;
early.
© lizardmagazine.com, 2008
Also see:
BACK TO THE HOMEPAGE
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